I Await My Free Lunch

 

Make no mistake, I keep writing, Its just sometimes I end up spilling my whole heart on the page and then proceed to hide the spills under my metaphorical bed.

 And they stay there until I eventually want it read. By another human. To prove it was written. 

So, recently someone dared me to share something I worked on more than a year back. He didn't just dare me, he put a wager on it. All smug too, like,

"I bet you would never share all these on your blog. How long has it been again? I bet you lunch that you can't share this."

 And mama didn't raise no coward. Also, I like lunch as a concept so, here we are. I feel like putting several disclaimers about this but, we are adults who say things with their chest so here goes.

Ode to Mama.

To the person who says I have no privacy because I came out of her privacy. The one who I tell deep regards to instead of I love you. The one who taught me my first curse word. And how to pray, and how to make chapatis, and ate the first mess I made, and every good and bad batch since. The one who raised me to be an empowered woman then wonders why I look so complete without a man by my side. The one who's getting old and wants grand babies. The one I get my sense of humor from, and my good looks, and my wit, and generosity and butt. One. You remember that time you left us alone at home with food on top the fridge, you had to get to the soko early to get the best prices. And you woke us up to tell us this but I only remember that vaguely. What I remember more is your son waking me up and telling me we've been abandoned and must now start making plans for our future as orphans. When you came back we cried and you held us and fed us. And told us you'd never leave again even if you had to go to work the very next day. And you gave me a look that said, "You too?" You've always expected more from me. I feel it in the fabric of my being. Two. You made all of us feel special and seen. Even when we didn't want to. Especially when we didn't want to.. Three. You are broken and chipped. And you take this knowledge every day and try still, to hold us in and hold us up and some days are better than others. Four. I wanted your name because you're the parent that stayed and even though you have more of a right to hate him than I do, you told me to keep his name and if I get married to someone I love and he has a cool name, I can take his. Five. I forget a lot but somehow, I never forget the words you tell me when we fight. I run and they chase me. Every now and then I pause to catch my breath. Because I think I've finally outrun them. Then we fight and fresh words join the hunt, giving strength to the old ones. Words are my love language and I'm really tired of running sometimes. Six. When you're happy it's like the sun is out and I can go swimming. And when you're angry it's like the ground is lava and no one warned me. I care how you feel 10 times more than I care how I feel. And when you cry, my heart breaks. I want to strangle what's hurt you even if it's me. Seven. You give away everything we own. All. The. Time. One day I came back to find someone sleeping on my bed. You gave away my bed. I've learned not to be attached to things because of you. It was hard learned. Eight. I've watched you believe in God even as you were beaten, you lost the house, we slept outside for days one day it rained, your kids got sick. The strain of not being able to provide the best for your kids. Wanting to stay with them but having to leave to look for work. Coming back to find strangers that were once your babies but who grew up on you. Who found a way to live without you. You've seen more loss and pain than I'd wish on anyone. I've watched you believe in God throughout this entire mess of life. Nine. I love you. I mean... Deep regards.


Expect a few more like this. I'll let you get back to getting warm or whatever you were doing before. Cheers.


Comments

Vany😊 said…
😊👍
Stanley😎 said…
That was so heartfelt♥️
favouranyula said…
♥️🤗
Unknown said…
❤❤😘
OLUDHE ANN said…
Felt that🥺❤❤
Anonymous said…
Wow❤

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