Mad'ouk

Experienced and toughened by life. That's what Mad'ouk means. I wondered this week what I could possibly write. It seems this month I'll be writing about things I'm unqualified to talk about.

I asked a number of ladies/ girls/ women/chicks what they find to be the hardest thing about being their gender. And the response was overwhelming, to say the least. In fact let me just show you guys a  sample of a  few responses here yeah? Let them speak for themselves.

Now now, members of the male gender, don't leave just yet. You might learn, or see something.

"There’s are so many hard things about being a girl to be honest. From the fact that existence of some systems and norms are literally a threat to my existence. Then having a ready-made mould of how you have to be, And not being able to explore all parts of yourself or rather not having the complete freedom to explore all parts of your being.

The stereotype of shy, quiet girls being good girls is really what gets me. And also this story for dressing. Also, honestly I don’t even understand why bras are necessary. Like, I’m literally putting a harness on my body. For what?"


"What's the hardest part of being a woman?
Is it introducing myself to a patient as a doctor twice while wearing a nametag that says 'doctor' and still have them refer to me as 'nurse'? Is it automatically getting anxious when I'm out later than I had planned because my safety concerns are directly proportional to how dark it is outside? Is it being conditioned from a young age to plan my life around my hypothetical husband and children?

 Is it feeling outnumbered being the only woman in a matatu full of men? So outnumbered in-fact that whenever it happens I immediately disembark and wait for a more gender-balanced one?

Is it having to choose between an unplanned pregnancy or birth control that could potentially kill me in the long-run? Is it having to face misinformed Christians very unbiblical takes on 'biblical-womanhood' as seen through their patriarchy-coloured glasses?

Is it walking on eggshells while trying to 'politely' reject a man's advances. Not so that I spare his feelings, but so that he doesn't get angry enough to kill me. Is it having to dedicate part of my budget to feminine hygiene products without fail every month, despite my social class or economic ability, while they get taxed even more while condoms are given out for free? Sex is a choice, menstruation isn't."


"The hardest thing about being a woman in today's world is having to keep disproving stereotypes that persist over generations.  She's not a bad driver because she's a girl,  she's just a bad driver,  I wear trousers because they are comfortable, not to compete with men. Working twice as hard for half the pay, the glass ceiling. I don't look forward to washing clothes on my day off.  I sometime enjoy cooking but it's not what completes me.  I love watching rugby and football and yes, I understand the rules.

I love driving fast 'for a woman'? 'Wacha umama!'? The statements made without a second thought.

If I don't vote for the woman candidate. Can I just vote for the better candidate and If she happens to be a woman, great, and if she ends up being a bad leader, it's not because she's a woman. Biker chicks, lady makangas, pilots, engineers etc. should not be an exception."


"The question you've asked is hard but in my own words, being a woman is a fun thing and an expensive affair too. As a woman, the reality is that much is expected from us but do people really take time to understand our complex nature. The most annoying thing is how even in the 21st century, we are still seen as sexual objects, like what even???

In addition, we are human beings and we do get tired but noooooo, a woman seeing resting is called lazy and needs to work even harder. We do work, but in most occasions never given credit. People expect women to know everything in the house, and when a woman doesn't know to do a particular house chore, the label, "her upbringing wasn't right" comes in."


"The hardest for me is always feeling like I'm an unwanted citizen of the world. Like society is set up to make feel as uncomfortable as possible at all times...
 Threats of bodily harm
Constant harassment
 Always having to prove my worth
Never getting what I deserve.
Having to change myself to fit the situation to avoid conflict or to stay safe."


"I've really thought about it, and I don't know what the hardest thing is about it is. Thing is, I don't have anything to compare it to. I don't know if anything is hard because this is how I've lived all my life."


"Being subjected to stereotypes by men who apply a double standard when it comes to their own lives. A day hardly goes by without getting a "lecture" from a complete stranger explaining why my views, dress or actions, in his eyes, were wrong, delivered hiding behind the phrase,

"Dear sister, I only say these things with greatest certitude of your well-being."

And its so sad that there are women who've become the "patriarchy's foot soldiers", willing to conform to whatever a man detects and accept the crumbs left behind by them."


I also asked them to write solutions.

"Is there a solution? Maybe if we started treating women as actual human beings."

"Give all men a 6pm curfew."

"Focus just a bit on the boy child because they are clearly falling apart. Wthout that half of the human race, if we just focus on just the women, we really aren't helping anything."

"Love, and self-control"

"We learn from elephants, bees, ants. Those guys have been running a martiachy since time."


This is me still hoping you're still around... Let me just say, I don't agree with everything here. And I don't know if I said this before, but none of this is meant to offend Anyone. If you are, (offended) email me and I'll get some popcorn delivered to you. It's the best un-offending snack ever. You'll feel better and everything.

 But seriously, same with last week's topic, some of the stories I heard angered me. How there is so much hate and injustice in the world with no end in sight is just unbelievable. So if I'm angry, and my anger doesn't help change anything, how can I be the change I want to see?

I think, it's the small things. Check your speech, thoughts, actions, motives, beliefs. Before you even call someone else out. I'm going to close with one of those things I don't like (quotes) because hey, I started a trend why not. And it'll be our next topic.

Also thank you for everyone who sent in their input. Buy yourselves some popcorn, you've earned it.


What is a man, but a miserable pile of secrets?

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
1997 video game

Photo by Mugoya Mokua.