The confused birds and bees.

Happy new year. Only a couple days in, and I’ve baked two batches of brownies, both of which were beautiful messes. I met more than a hundred people, felt really angry once, I’ve felt butterflies too. I’ve ran for dear life as a small kid chased me with threats to water me. The first thing I put in my mouth in the new year was bread and water, closely followed by delicious meat and cake. I ate all these surrounded by fairy lights and by some pretty cool peeps. I've also been bitten by a safari ant. When was the last time you were bitten by a safari ant? But i digress ...

I’ve been without a phone this entire time and its been bitter sweet. On one hand I’ve ditched (sort of) everyone who’s not in my immediate vicinity. On the other I don’t have to keep asking people where Trevor (my phone) is. Anyway, so about Trevor. It had died, then it made a miraculous return at the Nokia centre (if only this line was sponsored. Ahem!) I now just need to pay for the phone or do a prison break type of thing. Wait. How did we get here? Where were we?

New year, yes. The time for people to deliberately not make resolutions because the world that had made ‘resolution making’ a fad has now decided its uncool. How times change. 

Did people have a good Christmas? Ama the economy didn’t allow for fun timing? I don’t know about you guys but I ate that day. I even ate things I wouldn’t normally eat, like butternut soup. I rode bikes and played all the Christmas music I owned and I even slept like a log afterwards. 

Its been interesting so far this year, and I have a couple of goals, (unlike most of you). If I meet them it’ll be great and if I don’t that just means I did something else, no? I think I’ll share just one hope for this year in this ka story I have for you guys.

I had the chance to talk to this 4 year old with really good English. I asked him what he thinks his biggest achievement will be in 2020, what with everyone making huge plans for the first year in a new decade. Leroy looks at me and says 

"I want to get a little brother.”

I ask him how he plans on managing that. And he tells me he’ll ask his parents and if they refuse, he’ll just come home with one by himself. I asked him where he’ll find one (entire small human) to go home with.

“ I’ll just take one of the really small boys in baby class. Then I’ll carry him and come home. It won’t be hard. I just have to pick the right small brother. I don’t want an annoying one.”

I didn’t even know where to start with that one. So I ask him how his parents would react to him bringing a random child home. And he tells me the child won’t be random he’ll be carefully selected. And if they have a problem with how much he eats or where he’ll sleep, Leroy would share everything he has.

“But I also could sneak him home. I am very good at hiding things. One day, I hid my dad’s car keys for two days. Until he looked like he was about to cry so I had to give them back. He wouldn’t have known where it was if I didn’t give him.”

This kid. I decide to change tact.

“Why don’t you you want a small sister instead?” He didn’t even dignify my question with a reply. He just looked at me like I was hit on the head and I’ve told him Santa isn’t real. So I ask him why he wants a brother so badly. He tells me all his friends have brothers that they play with. That his best friend even has a twin. And since he can’t get a twin immediately he has to get a small brother.

“Leroy, what do you mean you can’t get a twin immediately?”

He sighs loudly like I’m just asking him obvious questions, like I’m being stupid on purpose.

“Do you know how hard it is to get a twin if your mum didn’t get you at the same time? You have to go look everywhere (dramatically makes a circular motion) everywhere in the world to find your twin! Then you have to talk to them to come home with you and be your twin.”   

I ask him if he’s in pre-unit. And he tells me he’s a senior in kindergarten. He only has one more year to finish. He’s in top class 1 and apparently he’s the best one in his class, that everyone comes to him for advice yet he’s the youngest in class.

I wonder what advice a 4 year old could ask for. Should I get the Spiderman bag or the iron man one? I can only imagine the conversations that happen in these kid’s spaces. I don’t remember the conversations I had when I was that age.

I wonder what an existential question is for a kid. I ask him what the biggest question he’s ever wondered. And he puts on a serious face. And asks me why grown ups get so tired so fast. Then he gives me an example of his father. How they would run for a little bit then he would say.

“Heh, Leroy, let me sit down a little.”

“We don’t even run too far.” Leroy tells me “ He just gets tired and he says “we’ve played the whole day” and we haven’t even played too long.” I tell him maybe grown ups are just too old to play like him.

And he says. “No, it’s because I'm stronger.”

Then he asks me what big thing I plan to do in 2020.

“I’m hoping to travel out of the country this year.” I tell him and he says.

“Well, anyone can do that. Its not a very big thing to do. You just go kwani?"

The audacity of this entire conversation.

I wonder when Leroy will find out that getting a younger brother doesn’t come from kidnapping. I hope he doesn’t actualise his plan to carry another child home and attempt to keep him hidden. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like the initiative and self drive just… Hehehe, anyway. We just have to wait and see. Ama?