The end of the road
I missed my interview this week. The story I was going to be told was heavy and full of grit, blood, passion and dinosaurs. It was a beautiful piece of someone's struggle and emerging Victory.
But I missed the interview. I had hoped to redeem this week's post by telling a stranger's story. So I started talking to strangers in matatus, hoping someone would open up their well of hurts and allow me to dive.
I got close too, (Hi Allan) and made friends (Hi Vivi) but alas, nothing.
This morning, at the last second before I had to call it quits and give up any chance of delivering anything this Wednesday, I got a beautiful gift.
One of my favourite humans, a writer, allowed me to give you guys a true story. Her true story.
Without further adieu, I call her Kangaroo...(that sort of rhymed, no?)
They say that love conquers everything. Well, it seems they were mistaken… or perhaps, I was the one mistaking it as love.
I remember. I remember it all.
From the first text you sent me
. “What??? He never texts any girl that late… you’re different,” they said.
Yes, I am different.
I remember when you told me of your past; the things you deemed important for me to know before you take the next step.
“Strange! He never mentions that to anyone…at least not willingly. You’re different,” they said.
Yes, I am different.
“You looked amazing in that dress last night…you should wear dresses more often, if not for you, for me at least,” he said. He laughed afterwards, I laughed too.
Yes, I am different.
“So, there’s this girl I like. She’s amazing…and different,” he said.
“Go for it!” I said. “Different is good…I mean, LOOK AT ME,” I thought.
Yes. I am different.
“I’m not crazy for you…I’m weird for you,” he told me.
I paused; first sign that I’ll do things differently this time around.
I didn’t reply to his confession, but I also didn’t turn him down.
Yes. I am different.
“He did what??? After what he went through with his last crush, I expected him to never confess again…”
“Please say yes! He deserves it, after what he went through.”
“I’ve never seen him like this before. Go for it! He is an amazing guy!”
“You seem to make him happy…thank you so much!” they all said
Yes. I am different.
“I know this may sound quite immature and rushed but… I love you! It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not, but I do,” he said.
I paused, again. I paused.
“He is a nice person, and he seems to really support me,” I thought.
“Thank you for being patient with me… I like you too,” I said
. He was happy. More than happy. Euphoric. I was happy too because… he was happy.
Yes. I am different.
“You’re not as cheerful as others, but you sure do light up a room. You’re unpredictable. You’re different. I love that. I hope that you would give me the honour of being your boyfriend…” he said.
I paused. Again. I paused.
“I think you already know my answer…yes, sure, of course.” I replied.
He hugged me. And told me he loved me. I paused.
Yes. I am different.
“I am so happy for the both of you!”
“Congratulations!! You two make the perfect couple.”
“Amazing!! I have a 'mom' now.”
“You don’t seem like the relationship type…what changed?”
“You haven’t changed even after having a boyfriend now? Wow! You’re stubborn!”
“To think having a boyfriend would make you more lady-like…why don’t you show him how much you love him?”
“You don’t have cute nicknames for each other? That is not what a girl wants!”
“I think your close relationship with boys will only make him jealous. Can you tone it down a bit?”
“Wait! You have a guy best friend? And you have sleepovers with guys too? Uh…how does he feel about it?”
“I don’t care what other people say. I love you for who you are. If it is not a problem to me, then don’t get your head wrapped up in what they say, okay?” he said
. I smiled. For the first time, I genuinely smiled.
Yes. I am different.
And he loves that.
“I will treasure you… I can’t wait to make you my wife.” he said.
“Follow your dreams! I will support you all the way,” he said.
“Sure, you’re moving away. But that won’t change anything. I love you,” he said.
I told him I love him too. First time.
Yes. I am different.
And he loves that.
“I miss you…a lot!” he said.
“I cherish every moment we spent together,” he said.
“Call? Well... okay, After all, I haven’t heard your voice in a while,” he said.
“Call? Again? I don’t like phone calls that much…” he said.
“Can I call you today?” he said.
“Can you stop putting yourself down and accept the fact that I chose you? You deserve to be loved.” he said.
“Look, if you don’t trust me and tell me what’s happening with you, how will I understand?” he asked.
I knew he was right. But I paused. Again.
Yes. I am different.
But I need to change.
“Sometimes the things you say are too hurtful,” he said.
“I don’t understand. You say one thing but mean the other,” he said.
“Sorry if I keep misinterpreting your words…I really am,” he said.
“Sorry if I came across differently, it wasn’t my intention,” he said.
“I’m sorry for whatever I did this time,” he said.
“I’m sorry. Again, but you need to change too,” he said.
I paused. Again. I paused.
Yes. I am different.
And he loves that.
But I still need to change.
“Are you ok? You seem off,” he said.
“You don’t joke anymore. It’s strange,” he said.
“You seem detached. Why?” he asked.
“I know I told you to just be you, but I thought we ended this whole situation of you making bad jokes,” he said.
“Hey, are you sure you’re ok?” he asked.
“You know, you’re too unpredictable. I don’t know what to expect from you anymore. One moment we’re fine, the next we’re not. You seem to always contradict yourself. I don’t know what to do anymore,” he said.
I paused. Again? No. It was different this time.
Yes. I am different.
You loved that, but not anymore. I changed for you. I changed my way of talking; it was too blunt. I changed my ways of expression; they were unclear. I changed my ways of thinking; they were too bent. But it wasn’t enough. Not enough for you. So, I changed my whole self. Every aspect that defined me. That gave me identity. I threw it away. For you. It still wasn’t enough. But that was the end of the road…
YES. I WAS DIFFERENT!
But I missed the interview. I had hoped to redeem this week's post by telling a stranger's story. So I started talking to strangers in matatus, hoping someone would open up their well of hurts and allow me to dive.
I got close too, (Hi Allan) and made friends (Hi Vivi) but alas, nothing.
This morning, at the last second before I had to call it quits and give up any chance of delivering anything this Wednesday, I got a beautiful gift.
One of my favourite humans, a writer, allowed me to give you guys a true story. Her true story.
Without further adieu, I call her Kangaroo...(that sort of rhymed, no?)
They say that love conquers everything. Well, it seems they were mistaken… or perhaps, I was the one mistaking it as love.
I remember. I remember it all.
From the first text you sent me
. “What??? He never texts any girl that late… you’re different,” they said.
Yes, I am different.
I remember when you told me of your past; the things you deemed important for me to know before you take the next step.
“Strange! He never mentions that to anyone…at least not willingly. You’re different,” they said.
Yes, I am different.
“You looked amazing in that dress last night…you should wear dresses more often, if not for you, for me at least,” he said. He laughed afterwards, I laughed too.
Yes, I am different.
“So, there’s this girl I like. She’s amazing…and different,” he said.
“Go for it!” I said. “Different is good…I mean, LOOK AT ME,” I thought.
Yes. I am different.
“I’m not crazy for you…I’m weird for you,” he told me.
I paused; first sign that I’ll do things differently this time around.
I didn’t reply to his confession, but I also didn’t turn him down.
Yes. I am different.
“He did what??? After what he went through with his last crush, I expected him to never confess again…”
“Please say yes! He deserves it, after what he went through.”
“I’ve never seen him like this before. Go for it! He is an amazing guy!”
“You seem to make him happy…thank you so much!” they all said
Yes. I am different.
“I know this may sound quite immature and rushed but… I love you! It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not, but I do,” he said.
I paused, again. I paused.
“He is a nice person, and he seems to really support me,” I thought.
“Thank you for being patient with me… I like you too,” I said
. He was happy. More than happy. Euphoric. I was happy too because… he was happy.
Yes. I am different.
“You’re not as cheerful as others, but you sure do light up a room. You’re unpredictable. You’re different. I love that. I hope that you would give me the honour of being your boyfriend…” he said.
I paused. Again. I paused.
“I think you already know my answer…yes, sure, of course.” I replied.
He hugged me. And told me he loved me. I paused.
Yes. I am different.
“I am so happy for the both of you!”
“Congratulations!! You two make the perfect couple.”
“Amazing!! I have a 'mom' now.”
“You don’t seem like the relationship type…what changed?”
“You haven’t changed even after having a boyfriend now? Wow! You’re stubborn!”
“To think having a boyfriend would make you more lady-like…why don’t you show him how much you love him?”
“You don’t have cute nicknames for each other? That is not what a girl wants!”
“I think your close relationship with boys will only make him jealous. Can you tone it down a bit?”
“Wait! You have a guy best friend? And you have sleepovers with guys too? Uh…how does he feel about it?”
“I don’t care what other people say. I love you for who you are. If it is not a problem to me, then don’t get your head wrapped up in what they say, okay?” he said
. I smiled. For the first time, I genuinely smiled.
Yes. I am different.
And he loves that.
“I will treasure you… I can’t wait to make you my wife.” he said.
“Follow your dreams! I will support you all the way,” he said.
“Sure, you’re moving away. But that won’t change anything. I love you,” he said.
I told him I love him too. First time.
Yes. I am different.
And he loves that.
“I miss you…a lot!” he said.
“I cherish every moment we spent together,” he said.
“Call? Well... okay, After all, I haven’t heard your voice in a while,” he said.
“Call? Again? I don’t like phone calls that much…” he said.
“Can I call you today?” he said.
“Can you stop putting yourself down and accept the fact that I chose you? You deserve to be loved.” he said.
“Look, if you don’t trust me and tell me what’s happening with you, how will I understand?” he asked.
I knew he was right. But I paused. Again.
Yes. I am different.
But I need to change.
“Sometimes the things you say are too hurtful,” he said.
“I don’t understand. You say one thing but mean the other,” he said.
“Sorry if I keep misinterpreting your words…I really am,” he said.
“Sorry if I came across differently, it wasn’t my intention,” he said.
“I’m sorry for whatever I did this time,” he said.
“I’m sorry. Again, but you need to change too,” he said.
I paused. Again. I paused.
Yes. I am different.
And he loves that.
But I still need to change.
“Are you ok? You seem off,” he said.
“You don’t joke anymore. It’s strange,” he said.
“You seem detached. Why?” he asked.
“I know I told you to just be you, but I thought we ended this whole situation of you making bad jokes,” he said.
“Hey, are you sure you’re ok?” he asked.
“You know, you’re too unpredictable. I don’t know what to expect from you anymore. One moment we’re fine, the next we’re not. You seem to always contradict yourself. I don’t know what to do anymore,” he said.
I paused. Again? No. It was different this time.
Yes. I am different.
You loved that, but not anymore. I changed for you. I changed my way of talking; it was too blunt. I changed my ways of expression; they were unclear. I changed my ways of thinking; they were too bent. But it wasn’t enough. Not enough for you. So, I changed my whole self. Every aspect that defined me. That gave me identity. I threw it away. For you. It still wasn’t enough. But that was the end of the road…
YES. I WAS DIFFERENT!
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